


October 2004

by gothclark



Series: freak4ever - the Journal of Clark Kent [16]
Category: Smallville
Genre: M/M, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-28 20:18:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/678497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothclark/pseuds/gothclark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A new kind of meteor rock wreaks havoc on Clark's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	October 2004

01 October @ 03:09 pm

Today was a quiet day. I didn't really do much. School was fine. After school, when dad saw that I had gone to the bank to withdraw the money for the school ring, things got messy. He just doesn't get it. 

I have everything all ready for it. I can't wait. In the picture it looks really cool. I like it. Pete said he's reserved judgment for when he sees the actual ring. 

I stopped by the mansion to do deliveries and to see Lex. Things are still a little tense between him and Feegan. I hope they work it out. I really would hate to see their friendship suffer over this. Lex and I talked about his need for privacy and his need to keep us a secret. I'm fine with that. I can't understand why other people would think it was any of their business.

Lex is going to visit Bruce tonight in Gotham. There's some sort of fundraiser thing he has to attend. Lex said he wished he could take me but we both know it would look bad if I went. Besides, that stuff is just not my speed. I would rather hang with Pete tonight. We're going to play some basketball then hang out at the Talon. 

I made sure to tell Lex to be careful of strange women. After all, the last time he went away, he came home with Desiree. I have to admit, I do feel a little bit apprehensive over this. He told me he even thought about bringing a 'date' just for show. I told him I was fine with that.

We had the Torch meeting this morning. The article is great. Chloe did a wonderful job with it and she kept my name out of it. Some people will know it's me, but I don't care. I think it's time this story gets told. Chloe is awesome. I really love her. She's the most amazing friend ever. She really did a great job with this whole thing. I'm very proud of her. She sees things that need to be addressed and she doesn't let fear stop her.

At least I'll get to see Lex tomorrow night. He promised me we could have a nice night in the mansion. It will be just the two of us. 

 

02 October @ 10:51 pm

Yesterday Pete and I stayed at the Talon until closing. We pretty much bugged each other and drank tons of lattes. It was cool just to hang. Pete is a total lady's man. He spent ten minutes talking to this girl while I sat off to the side making faces at him. She had her back to me. It was totally hilarious when he cracked up and she almost walked away. He was not impressed, but we had a good laugh over it. At least he didn't urge me to try to ask out Lana. I'm so glad he took me seriously. 

I went over to the mansion tonight to see Lex. He didn't have much to say about the party. I jokingly looked around the mansion for an extra guest. I never once thought he'd come home with a new wife. Although with this crazy town you never know. At least he went along with my joke. We played some chess and talked about his dad and other things. I can't believe how big that place is and he still feels crowded in by his father's presence. I haven't really met his dad yet and I get the feeling Lex would rather keep it that way. It's probably going to be really hard to avoid his father forever. I'm sure going to try. He sounds a little overbearing.

Off to do some stargazing.

 

04 October @ 12:19 pm

Have you ever noticed how boring adults are? I mean, they dress so badly and they act dead. Maybe not all of them dress badly. Lex is technically an adult and he dresses fine. 

I got my class ring. It's totally awesome. My dad is going to freak when he finds out I bought it. 

I just called Lex. We made a date for tonight. I can't wait to see him. He sounded so sexy on the phone. I love his phone voice. It's enough to make a guy want Lex to run his naughty tongue all over my body parts. My body parts of course since his tongue is not allowed to go on anyone else's body. 

@ 06:27 pm

I'm hanging out in the loft to get ready for my date. I told mom and dad that I ate in town and that I have way too much homework to do the deliveries or chores. I did most of the chores this morning anyway so dad can handle the easy stuff. They both fell for it. They're so gullible. I think I'll do my homework after my date. 

I can't wait to see Lex tonight. I stopped off at the drugstore to pick up an extra pack of condoms. You never know how many you'll need. It looks like we're in for a good time tonight. I have an idea of what I want to do. I think he's going to be surprised. 

I think for tonight's date I need to dress for the occasion, only I have really boring stuff. I hate everything I own. I need cooler clothes. At least I still have those black jeans I never wear. I guess I could just wear a t-shirt with the jeans. It's not like he'll be looking at my clothes once they're off anyway. 

I can't wait to go over there and rip his clothes off. I've always wanted to just go over to the mansion, grab him, rip all his clothes off, and then have my way with him. I'd bend him over the sofa or bed or whatever furniture happens to be near by. More handcuffs in bed would be so awesome. I'd love to have him trapped under me, powerless to break free from my tight grip. I'd love to feel him fighting under me. After all, we have the safe word, so if things get out of hand (which they never would because I am so careful) he can always shout 'cherry pie'. 

It sucks to be poor. At least I can get me some rich ass.

@ 09:45 pm

Lex was the hottest thing ever. He was so there. I wanted to try something new this time around. It was amazing. He was amazing. We were perfect together. I really wish I didn't have to come home. I wanted to show him over and over again how much I love his fine ass-ets. 

We went up to his room right after I arrived. He looked so hot, but all I wanted was to get his clothes off. I wanted to make him mine. I wanted to wipe every single memory of all his other lovers out of his mind. I want him to think only of me when he's in his bed and I'm not there. I wanted him to have a memory that he can take with him into his dreams. I want him to think 'Desiree who?' I want him to never again feel the need to go elsewhere for sex. I am his sex. Me! Just me, and nobody else. I will never let him touch or go near another fucking bitch ever again. 

I fuck him and he thinks only of me. His eyes should only be on me. His mind should never wander. 

I left him in his bed a very satisfied man. I was anything but an angel, unless angels can fuck like that. I totally blew him away. I love the way he moans when I fuck him hard. I love the way he tenses up when I move him with my strength. I love the look in his eyes. The questions in his eyes that I will not answer. I love the way he calls my name when he comes. I love the way his skin feels against mine. I love his hot ass. I love how he's got smooth skin all over, and I mean all over. I love most of all the way he looks at me. That look he gives me is enough to make me hard in ten seconds flat. 

I feel so great right now. I've never felt this amazing before and I own it all to Lex. He makes me feel like I can be myself and like nothing will hurt us. He's perfect. We're perfect together.

 

05 October @ 06:23 am

I feel like a new man. I need new clothes and some new things. I should burn these flannel shirts. They are so fucking ugly. I need a car. Lex will give me his car. I probably don't even have to fuck him for it. I hate not having everything everybody else has. I have to pretend I'm satisfied with the shit my parents give me. It's like dad has something against having money. He's such an idiot. Good thing he's not my real father otherwise I'd be just as lame. 

I always hide my feelings from everybody. I'm going to tell Lex about my origins. Just as soon as I think he's ready for it. Right now I think the fact that an alien is fucking him won't go over too well.

Dad is fucking pissing me off big time. He's such a control freak. He thinks I'll do everything his way. I made sure he didn't see the ring. He'd just bug me about it and I don't need that right now. If he knew how far from him I'm like, he'd have a heart attack. I can just imagine the look on his face when I tell him I suck cock and fuck Lex Luthor.

@ 04:56 pm

I feel like I've lived a life of boredom. Now it's time to have some fun. Nobody else wants to go with me to the bar tonight. I never realized how stuck-up and boring Lana is until today. She totally acted weird when I flirted with Jessie. I told Lana to loosen up a little. It's not like Jessie and I are dating. We're just having some fun and she's not even my type. I wonder if she's jealous. Maybe Lana would like to have some fun with me.

Jessie on the other hand has very nimble fingers and an amazing tongue. That was such an amazing blowjob. The fact that she swallowed made it less messy.

I need a good fuck. I'm going over to see Lex and wherever I find him, I am going to fuck him and show him whose boss. I ran into Metropolis to pick up a nice pair of black leather pants. He'll believe that I can wear leather pants.

I think I look awesome in them. They are hot. I look hot. I could have anybody I want, but I only want Lex. Getting a blowjob from Jessie was okay, but nothing compared to what Lex can do.

Dad flipped when he saw the ring. What a jerk. I can't believe he's still harping on that. What a loser. I did all my chores like a good boy.

Now it's time to get me some Lex ass. I have to show Lex that he belongs to me not the other way around. He won't fight me this time. Yesterday he actually thought he could take over. Eventually he gave in. I don't really care. He's mine. There is no way he will ever match my strength. If he tries to fight me again, I'll just tie him to the bed. That would be hot. I bet he'd love that. I know Lex did some naughty stuff when he was younger. Now it's my turn.

 

06 October @ 11:28 am

I blew off study group to go into town and do some shopping. Actually, I blew off study to group to go see Lex. We really needed the time together. He's so damn hot. We had the most amazing time last night. Those leather pants made his head spin. I totally showed Lex how great I could look in leather. We had a great time poolside. He was already drinking when I got there. I hate that he's letting his dad get to him so much. He should just kick the old geezer out and tell Mr. Blind to get lost. 

At least nobody bothered Lex and me while we had sex. I went for a skinny dip before we had some fun. It felt awesome to glide through the water naked. I never realized how much I love the feel of the air on my bare skin. I know I loved the attention Lex paid me. He couldn't take his eyes off my body. I felt free. 

This time around I let him have some control, since he seems to perform sex so much better that way. He was stellar. He sucked me off almost as soon as I got there. I love leather pants. They certainly got the desired effect. It amazes me how much stamina Lex has. I wasn't sure he could keep up with me, but he was so hot. I get hard just thinking about how awesome he looked under me. He really knows how to make me want him more. He had that look in his eyes and his hard body begged me to touch and fuck harder. When he told me he should fuck me I had to draw the line. As if I'd let him go there now. I am so fucking hard just thinking about him. I'll probably have to go see him again tonight. 

I drove the motorcycle into school this morning and I have to say, Jon did an awesome job on it. That thing rides like a dream. 

Lex was right. I do look good in green. I noticed that Lana has been giving me the eye today. I think that girl might be ready for some action with yours truly.

PS - Jon is such an ass. He really thinks he can tell me what to do. He's not even my real father.

 

06 October @ 07:55 pm

I did have to fuck Lex for the car. That's fine. It was an awesome fuck. I think I made him see stars. He was so amazing. His old man took over his home office so I gave Lex one of his sexual fantasies. We fucked on the desk right there. I made sure to leave a big mess. Lex was lucky he walked away from it.

The Ferrari is the perfect car for me. My mom just tried to talk to me. I don't get her at all. She's gorgeous, an amazing woman and totally wasted on that hick husband. I wish she'd go her own way.

I told her not to wait up for me. I plan on staying over with Lex. He's just itching for me to do more nasty things to him. Besides, I really need to find out just how dirty he can get.

 

07 October @ 07:34 am

I spent the night with Lex. He was so amazing. I totally love him, but I have one problem. I hate this town and I'm out of here. I'm through being a farmer. I never wanted to be a farmer so I've decided to leave home, and get a new start.

I still have the car. That went off really well. I took Lana out to a bar. She wasn't really into it. She's so boring. She wanted to go somewhere to talk. I'm sure she wanted me all to herself, but there was no way I was letting that happen. I have only one person in my life and his name is Lex. Lana and I did run into Jessie at the bar. She looked so hot. Since Lana took off on me before the bar fight, I left with a more willing partner. At first we were going to leave town together, but I wasn't really into that. We just had a little fun in the car, and then I dropped her off at her place when I was finished with her. She was much more cooperative than Lana. I was disappointed since I would have really liked to see just how sweet Lana is. Jessie was kind of boring.

After I dropped Jessie off I went over to the mansion to return the car. I ran into Lionel. I let him know that his boyfriend is an unwanted factor. He really needs to get somebody who can appreciate those fine lips and that nice, tight body. 

Lex was already in his room. We had the most amazing moment ever. He's perfect. I mean perfect. He's the most amazing thing that ever happened to me. I left him in his bed completely satisfied. He had this glow in his eyes that I am very sure nobody else has ever put there. 

I did have to tie him to the bed but that was so much fun and he loved it. Bed sheets are good for more than just making the bed. Right after all the sex, I had to tell him that he was way better than that girl. She really sucked in comparison. Just like I thought, he wasn't bothered in the least by it. I did use protection when I was with her so there was nothing to worry about in that department. Lex demanded that I never sleep with anybody but him ever again. He looks so adorable when he's demanding. That was an easy demand to comply with. He's going to have a lot of late nights after this. It's so fun how even tied to the bed he can give off the best don't fuck with me vibe ever. He was spreading his legs for me before he knew what hit him. He was hot. I was hot. We totally belong together. I rocked his world.

I'm going back as soon as I pack my bags. He's tied to the bed waiting for me.

@ 09:25 am

Lex and I are leaving for Metropolis together, today. I am so excited. 

I think I hear his old man shuffling through the hallways. He's like a little pet, only blind.

@ 09:30 am

Lionel is so old! I can't believe he's Lex's dad. They look nothing alike. Maybe Lex is adopted.

@ 09:45 am

Dude! Wash that hair sometimes. Man. 

So I arrived to find that Lex was free from his bed bondage. That's cool. I figured he'd get loose some time between when I left and now. He's off to tie up loose ends while I wait. I blew him just before he left. He is so tasty. I love his cock, especially when it's in my mouth.

Just in case I never mentioned it, Lex has the most awesome body. He does this thing with his hips that makes me want to throw him down and fuck him. It never fails to get me hard.

His old man however is ticking me off. I'm going to tell him where to go. Lex can't but I have no problem doing it. I wish Lex would just ship Lionel off to a desert island.

@ 06:57 pm

I went to check on Jessie but she was gone. I can't believe what I did to her. I almost got her and her dad killed. I slept with her! I can't believe Lex didn't get mad. I wish I could hide and wait a few days for things to get back to normal but I can't really do that this time. It's not my fault. How was I supposed to know that the school would make the class ring out of red meteor rocks and how was I supposed to know that it would affect me like a drug. I wish I'd never bought that ring. I wish I hadn't said all those horrible things to dad. I told mom she should leave dad! 

I hurt Lex so many times. I don't regret the sex we had. It was really nice. Except that last time when I tied him to his bed, and revealed some of my strength to him. Mom and dad would kill me if they knew. I'm never going to tell them any of the things I did. 

Lana and Chloe are going to kill me. 

I should sneak away in the middle of the night. There is no way I'm going to be able to look Lex in the eye after all the horrible things I did to him. What am I supposed to tell him? Mom and dad said to just go with the truth. I was on drugs. It sounds like a lie to me even though it is almost the truth. Maybe I should just go over to the mansion and face the music. Lex will understand. I could beg.

I'm going to call him to let him know I'm okay.

 

08 October @ 11:28 am

I sort of wasn't myself and I wanted to apologize to everybody for my rude behavior. I can't really explain what happened. Things are back to normal, sort of. I still have to apologize to Lana and Chloe. I talked to Lex last night. He came over after I left a message on his phone. We talked it out and he didn't dump me. I'm really grateful for that. 

Mom and dad stood by me the whole time all this weirdness went down. I'm spending time with them today.

I just hope my friends can forgive me.

@ 02:58 pm

I have never been the kind of person to demand. Most of the time, I'm happy with my life the way it is. I love my parents. They took me in and gave me unconditional love. They give me joy every single day. The things I said under the influence of that red meteor rock sting a lot more than I could have dreamed. Dad isn't over it yet. I know he isn't. I can see it in his eyes. I don't blame him one bit. He has a right to be angry and upset. I told him something that I know isn't true. He is my father in every way that counts. 

I remember everything I did under the influence of the ring. I remember thinking that everything is mine. I owed nothing to anybody. I would do things my way or you'd get pushed out of the way. I wanted and nothing would stop me. I took and didn't care who I hurt.

That is not who I am. I have never felt that way. When I was in that bar, I wanted those people to be afraid of me. I wanted them to fear my power. I showed them that they should fear my power, and they did. I remember for one moment, thinking that what I was doing was wrong. I remember that I hated how they looked at me. I was a freak and they knew it. Then I didn't care. They didn't matter to me anyway.

All the things I did to Lex. Mom and dad are right. The desires I hide and the feelings I bury were brought forward with the red rock. I want Lex and I took him. I made him mine. He did what I wanted.

It hurts that I cheated on him. It hurts that I did that to Lex. He was so angry and practically ordered me to never do that again. I know I won't. I really wish I hadn't done it. I really can't even remember why I did it except that she was there and I figured why not. I felt defiant. Lex cheated now it's my turn. 

I do feel resentment over what happened with Desiree, but I know that wasn't Lex's fault. I can't even believe that I kissed Lana and flirted with every girl that walked past me. I'm trying so hard to work all this out, but it's a lot harder to pin down than I thought it would be. I thought I could just say it happened and move on. Except, I can't. If my actions were my subconscious stretching its legs then why would I cheat? I have never once thought that I would cheat on Lex. I have never once even wanted to cheat on Lex. 

I remember thinking that she was there so I might as well take it since I could. Why?

I have never wanted to hurt dad and I did that, too. So maybe it wasn't just subconscious desires coming out. Maybe it was a separate personality altogether. I don't know anymore. I hope this is the only time this happens. At least now that I know about the red rocks I can avoid them. I hate the meteor rocks so much. They have done nothing but ruin my life and destroy people.

But the sex was so amazing. I would never have been able to do those things if I was in my right mind. I don't know if I'll be able to look at the desk in his office without turning bright red, or the pool, or his bed or that red Ferrari.

Well, now I know what sex with a girl is like. I wasn't that impressed. She didn't even come close to making me feel the way Lex makes me feel. It's not just a physical thing. I mean, on an emotional level, Lex takes my breath away. Even when I had the ring on I was in awe of him. The night that I tied him to the bed, there was this moment where I felt more powerful than I had ever felt in my life. He was mine and I was his.

 

11 October @ 10:19 pm

The weekend has been calm. It was much better than last week. I feel a little better now. I managed to track Lana down on Saturday. I found her riding. I think I got off lucky when she forgave me for my obnoxious behavior. She invited me to ride with her and I accepted. We didn't talk much, and I was glad for that. Then I went by the mansion to see Lex. He was sort of just hanging out. We ended up watching some TV and just sitting quietly. It was really nice except for that fact that I could see my previous treatment of him all over his body. I didn't know what to say. I still don't. I want to make it better. I wish I could change it all so that it never happened. I know I can't do that.

Dad forgave me, too. Mom and dad have both been so amazing. I can't really talk to them about all this. It's too much right now. Maybe after a while, after I've gained some distance from what I did, I can talk to mom.

 

12 October @ 02:25 pm

Last night I couldn't sleep so I ran over to the mansion and sneaked past security. It's probably a bad thing to do, but I didn't want anybody to know that I was there. I was hoping I could just be in Lex's room with him and not wake him up, but he woke up. I probably should have stayed home. I needed to know that he was fine. That all those things I did had no lasting impact. 

I keep thinking that everything will be fine, but they won't. I know they won't. Life was so much easier before the red meteor rock, and before I found out about my heritage. Now I feel as though what I am and those rocks taint everything in my life. 

I only wanted to be with Lex, and when he asked me if everything was okay I couldn't lie. I did lie at first but then I told him there was something but that I wasn't ready to talk about it. I probably never will be able to talk to him about what really happened. How do I say it? I couldn't stop thinking about it last night. That was why I couldn't sleep. I can't get that last time out of my head. I wanted Lex to know. I must have since I didn't hide my strength at all. He knows now that there's something different about me. Maybe he thinks the meteors mutated me like some of the other people around here. If only that were true, then this would all be so much easier.

I know what happened wasn't my fault. I keep telling myself that it's a good thing we found out about the red meteor rocks. I keep telling my self that everybody is fine. Nobody really got hurt that badly, but that isn't true. So many things happened that I would never have done. I never would have kissed Lana. I never would have demanded sex from Jessie. I didn't tell Lex the details of what happened, but I won't forget them. I hardly gave her much time to say anything. I was a total dog. Right after I fucked Jessie all I could think was that Lex was at the mansion and he'd be a much better fuck. And that he'd probably let me do anything to him.

At least I used a condom with Jessie.

Last night with Lex was not about sex at all. It was about the intimate closeness that I have with him. I can't seem to get that from anybody else in my life. When I asked him if I could stay he didn't hesitate to let me join him. I stripped down to my boxers and crawled under the covers with him. He was so warm and inviting. I cringed to see that his wrists are still bruised from when I tied him up. 

Lex woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. It was probably about me. 

When I went home this morning mom and dad were already at the breakfast table, eating. I didn't lie to them. I told them I was out and that I'd kind of fallen asleep at the mansion, which was the truth. Dad freaked, and mom covered for me, saying she'd given me permission last night to go over. She did remind me to call if I was going to be staying over. I had planned to wake up real early, but I didn't care that dad and mom knew where I was. Lex is important to me. Mom knows why and though dad doesn't, I will not hide how much he means to me from dad, except the sex stuff. That I will hide, for now.

So far school has been fine. Chloe doesn't seem out for my hide, yet. Maybe Lana didn't tell her about the kiss. She must have. When I saw her this morning, I rushed away as she called to me. I even avoided the Torch since she spends so much time there. Pete didn't say I was in the doghouse with her, but that doesn't mean I'm not. Just in case I better be extra nice to both of them.

I guess I'll just have to keep going and hope for the best. Everybody is still talking to me so I guess it's not all bad.

 

13 October @ 11:23 pm

My day started off boring. Class sucked. I was totally not into it. For one thing it ended my 'avoidance of Chloe' dance. I was doing so well, but I shouldn't have worried. She wasn't even angry with me. We hugged and made up.

After school, I went to the Talon to do my homework. Why do I have to know the difference between Byron and Yeats or whatever his name is? Luckily Lex rescued me from the boredom. He showed up just in time. I was just about to throw the book across the room.

We went back to the mansion and sat on the floor in his office in front of a fire. He made me read Byron out loud. I guess it was okay, but I still don't get it. That really didn't matter because I actually liked reading it to Lex. We had this amazing moment, so intimate. It was nice to just kiss him and be with him. 

Have you ever told somebody that you love him or her and really mean it? I mean feel it deep down to the core that they are the one. I felt that tonight. I looked into his eyes and knew I was where I belonged. 

I had to leave for dinner after we spent some time talking about emotions and multilayered interpretational something-or-other, but I feel like we're really back on track. I feel confident that things between us are going to be just fine. I should read poetry to him more often. I think it stirred something to me.

 

15 October @ 12:11 pm

Yesterday I got to the mansion, and Lex said he had something upstairs for me. He played my own trick on me and I totally fell for it. I thought he was going to give me something. He did give me something. He gave me some awesome sex. When we got up to his room, and I turned around to find him locking the bedroom door, I was hard in seconds. The playful look on his face said it all.

He practically threw me on his bed. It was totally hot. I couldn't get enough of his skin and his lips and his body. He's so amazing in bed.

There was foreplay and I have to say, I love foreplay. It's so much fun and being hard the whole time makes the sex that much sweeter. I stripped him naked and sucked him off. His body is so warm and inviting. I can't stop myself from touching him when he's under me.

Then we fucked. I topped. I think I really love to top. He's so pliant under my touch. I have to hold back from chanting 'mine' every time I take him.

I think I'm going to go over again today. I want more sex. I am so horny right now. I had to jerk off twice last night even after all the sex we had. My sex meter must be turned on superhigh. 

 

16 October @ 11:15 pm

I went by the mansion late last night after dinner and chores. Lex and I had a great time. We sat on the floor by the fire and played chess. I lost every game. Lex is really good at chess. His eyes sparkled when we played. In the firelight they turned a deep blue that hypnotized me. He must have thought I was a completely dork, the way I stared at him. 

The mansion was so quiet and so was Lex. We even made out by the fireside. I never thought I would see him so relaxed. His guard was down.

On my way out of the mansion I ran into Lionel. I swear he was waiting to ambush me. He acted all weird, saying stuff about how he hoped my parents weren't mad that I was spending so much time with Lex. That man totally creeps me out. He may be blind, but I swear he was staring right at me. He kept making these odd statements about my parents. Like that has anything to do with him at all. 

I try hard to be careful whenever I go over there. I don't want anybody to get the wrong idea. Whenever we're in public I try not to look too obvious. I don't want people to clue in because Lex would get into a lot of trouble. I can't make a mistake because he's too important to me. Even in the mansion I always make sure there's nobody around. I'll have to be more careful around his dad. Maybe I should lock him in his room. 

 

17 October @ 10:29 pm

Harvest time is always so busy for me. Dad and I managed to get a lot done. Mostly I was the one who got a lot done. I know I totally freak dad out when I use my abilities in front of him. Today I was lifting the tractor yet again to change the back tire. Changing the tire on a tractor is not easy. I was totally distracted wondering about how much the tractor weighed, and the look on Lex's face if he ever saw me do this when dad came running up. He was shouting that a car was coming up the driveway. I looked over to see Pete driving up. It was totally hilarious when I told dad I would put the tractor down as soon as I was done screwing in the bolts.

When he spun around to see that it was only Pete the look of relief on his face was priceless. It would have been cool if it had been Lex although maybe dad might have had a heart attack. Knowing Lex he'd probably tuck his hands in his pants pocket and greet dad as if nothing unusual was happening.

Pete and I went up to my loft after and hung out. I kind of wish I'd been allowed to keep the game system I bought when I was on the red meteor rock. Instead we mostly talked. Pete tried to convince me that while on the red rock would have been the perfect opportunity to go after Lana, but I gave him a stern warning and a glare, reminding him that I have heat vision. I joked that I wasn't always in complete control of it and that sometimes when I got really ticked off, walls of flame have been known to erupt unexpectedly. It totally cracked him up. 

I told him I wasn't interested in hooking up with anybody. He finally got the hint and we spent the next few hours talking about his new flame. He is such a dog and she is in so much trouble. 

He left just before dinner. When I got inside to wash up, I got the impression I had interrupted something between my parents. I hope they aren't fighting. When I asked what was going on they both said nothing. 

Now that I've had dinner and done the evening chores, I thought I would finally get around to doing my homework. That took about five minutes. I love my speed ability. I played some basketball alone until the sun set and now I'm sitting here staring at the stars and thinking about life on other planets. 

I wonder what my home world is called. It's probably something like Dork World.

 

19 October @ 11:24 am

I am convinced that poetry was invented to annoy me. Lana had some mushy poem left on her parent's grave and she thinks it's romantic. I think it's totally creepy. Some person is stalking her and all she can do is be all-aflutter over a few sentences. I know I shouldn't have mocked it. I know I was wrong. I went to tell her I was sorry after class but she got kind of angry with me. I just don't want her to get hurt and she just seems too wrapped up in that piece of paper. 

Chloe just asked me to keep an eye on Lana just in case this turns out to be some creepy stalker. At least I'm not the only one who thinks the secret admirer could be dangerous. She's probably jealous. I would be if somebody sent some mushy poem to my boyfriend. 

Actually, I am kind of jealous, but mostly because both Lana and Lex seem to understand poetry so much better than I do. Lex and I went for a drive after we ran into each other at the Talon. We pulled over at a secluded spot and made out in his car. I wanted him to stay with me forever, but he had to get back to work. We talked a little about my inability to understand poetical verse. I'm going to give it another try. Lex said that maybe I just haven't found the right poem. 

Maybe this sounds dumb but I'm a little afraid that my lack of connection to poetry would spell my doom. I saw the way Lana was looking at Lex when they were talking about it. She looked really enthralled and I know she gets it.

I just find the whole thing totally frustrating. The worse part is even after all of Lex's reassurance, I still feel like on this level I'll never be able to relate to him. I can't even find the right words to say what it is I want to say. I always fall back on kissing and touching. Maybe I could memorize some romantic stuff and say it to him next time we're together. That is if I can even figure out what poem is romantic. Knowing me I'd end up picking something with an unrelated meaning. 

I'll have to do some research. Or maybe mom could point me in the right direction.

 

20 October @ 12:27 pm

Last night I followed Lana to her parent's grave. Chloe was worried that something might happen to her so she asked me to keep an eye out for her. We found the person that left the poem for her. His name is Byron (figures). I freaked and pushed him away from Lana only I kind of pushed him too hard and he fell and hit his head on one of the gravestones. 

He passed out so I had to carry him to my parent's truck. He refused to be taken to the hospital so we took him back to the Talon and fed him and Lana made him some coffee. I think she really likes him. At least she seems to. He recited some Shakespeare to her and she went enthralled. 

I felt terrible for hurting him, but I wasn't quite sure what to say. I can tell there's no way he'd ever hurt anybody. He's so gentle. I don't know how else to describe him without saying he's kind of girly. 

There's more to this story. It gets really weird from here. We think his parents are abusing him. They've sheltered him all his life and he said he doesn't get out much. His wrists have marks on them that look like he was tied up chained. I felt so bad for him. I thought my parents were strict but Byron's parents sound beyond anything I've ever heard. 

Byron freaked out when he realized it was almost daylight. Lana and I drove him back to his house and he raced inside. His father threatened Lana and me with a shotgun. It was so freaky. Byron looked terrified. I wanted to rush in, grab him, and take him away from there. 

We drove back to my place as fast as we could and told my parents what happened. When we went back to Byron's with the sheriff, Byron's parents claimed they had never seen Lana and me before and that Byron had died years ago!

This is totally bizarre. We did not imagine Byron. He was real. I touched him and I sure as heck remember how much he weighed.

Chloe and I are going to investigate. I'm sure she can find something that will help us solve this mystery.

I might just try out some Shakespeare and see what it's like. It sounded really nice when Byron quoted it.

 

21 October @ 03:12 pm

Byron has a beast inside him. He comes out in the sunlight. When I saw him chained to that wall, I wanted to trash that house. Instead I broke his shackles and made things worse. When he got out in the sun he transformed into a monster. It took me almost the rest of the day to find him again. He attacked my mom and Lionel, but I saved them.

Once I got Byron back in the darkness, he reverted back to normal. I wish there was more I could do for him. He looked so afraid when he turned back to normal. He kept apologizing for hurting people, and he had such sadness in his eyes. I stayed with him while we waited for somebody to get us out of the well. They threw a blanket over him so the sunlight wouldn't touch his skin. I stayed with him all the way to the hospital, trying to keep him distracted. I had to keep fighting the urge to hold his hand. He was just so afraid. I can understand why. 

I should have stay out of this instead of trying to help. I just saw him at the hospital. He looks much better and I brought him a book of limericks to keep him occupied. I left him with Lana. They seem to get along really well.

It turns out Byron had some experimental drug used on him and the side effect was that he can't go out in the daytime, which explains his paleness. He's going to get some help.

 

22 October @ 10:52 am

I just got back from visiting Byron. Since the sun had already set we were able to go outside. He's so optimistic about the doctors finding a cure. It was nice to see him positive. This time I gave him that Shakespeare book I'd tried out. He read some of it to me and tried to explain them. I get that it's what you see in the words but I got the impression that it's way more than that for him. He gets this look in his eyes when he says the words.

Anyway, it was nice to hang out and see him so upbeat. He thanked me about a million times for helping him, which was nice but made me feel a little uncomfortable. 

At least I don't have any homework to do. I did it all during free period. I have to get up early to do the market with dad. I think he and mom are fighting. Her new job is not exactly a dream for my dad. I should call Lex and see if he wants to hang tomorrow night.

 

25 October @ 12:26 pm

Harvest time is here and I'm working like a dog to get everything done. We spent all weekend except parts of Sunday when I went over to hang with Pete. His brother let us borrow the dirt bikes again. It was so much fun. I totally love being on a dirt bike.

I did go to the farmer's market with dad only since mom was busy with her new job. Dad wasn't pleased to say the least. It was all he talked about Saturday morning and afternoon. Actually it was all he talked about. He really hates Lionel. At one point I started to tune dad out then finally I told him what I told Lex; mom can take care of herself. She knows what she's getting into. This is not to say that I am not worried, I am worried but my mom looks so happy and this morning she was so excited. I meant to talk to her about Byron, but I totally forgot, and when I did remember she was busy. I can catch her another time. 

I have so much work to do this week. The tractor is broken again. I hate that thing. 

I called Lex Saturday. We also talked about what we're going to dress up as for Saturday's Talon Halloween party. This year I am not going as a lion. I've decided to be Dracula. A classic and the costume should be easy. At first Lex said he wasn't dressing up then after a lot of begging on my part he decided he would dress up. He's going to go as a Mafia hit. I thought for sure he meant hit man since that would be a very cool and super easy costume to do, but he meant hit, as in killed by the mob. A very morbid choice, but I guess since I'll be a blood-sucking creature of the night, I'll have an excuse to follow him around all evening.

The cool thing is mom is going to pay me to help her out with deliveries and her catering business. She needs extra help with things, and she offered me a great wage for my time.

 

26 October @ 05:17 pm

Lex was acting so weird. He was drinking and he kept telling me to prove that I love him. Then he said the only way I ever prove it is physically. I didn't know what to say. I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen to me. I tried to tell him I have told him the truth. I tried to let him know that I give everything I can give. 

He flinched when I touched him. I can see that I make him sick. I can tell by the look in his eyes. I see it in my dad's eyes, too. 

Lex may have been drunk but he was right. I always turn everything between us into sex, and then when he wants to talk I stop him. Is that love? Wouldn't real love mean opening my heart to him completely? If I can't do that then I shouldn't go back until I'm ready to tell him the truth. I'll probably never see him again. He's right to be rid of me. He's right to not believe me. I am nothing but a liar. 

I can't do this any more. I can't keep it up like this. It's too much. It's not fair. All I do is hurt everybody I touch. All I ever do is destroy everything around me. My hands will never hurt anybody ever again.

 

27 October @ 01:21 pm

I feel much better and after a good night's sleep I see things differently.

I know I can work things out with Lex. Last night after he told me to leave I felt so lost and alone. It was like this voice in my head kept telling me I was never going to be accepted by him or anybody else. I felt like things would never change for us and that I was just wasting time. Mom stayed with me all night. I don't even know what possessed me to feel so desperate and think that all was lost. All I can remember is this complete feeling of total dread. 

I feel better today. 

I just wish I could figure out what happened. I've felt thoughts like those before and now I can't even imagine thinking them at all. I was fine when I went over there. Lex wasn't fine. He was drunk and saying crazy things. The only person I had contact with when I went over there was Lex. Although, I did run into a man I'd never seen before. I'm not willing to discount anything at this point with how crazy our town can be. I have to get Chloe on this. 

I have no idea what to say to mom and dad. This morning I was fine, but last night I was saying crazy things to mom. I can't believe I did that to her, I can't believe I did that to my parents. I can't believe I did any of it, but those voices were so overpowering. 

I have to go see Lex right now.

@ 11:20 pm

All I can say is I'm so glad I made it in time. Lex is finally asleep. I found him about to jump off the bridge where we first met and I saved him, again. He's alive and he's right here warm and breathing. 

I'm too afraid to leave him. I hate that this happened to him and again it's my fault. Those fucking rocks! I hate them so much. They are nothing but a curse. 

 

28 October @ 10:58 pm

It's been such a relaxing day. I spent the day with Lex. I did nothing but watch Lex. I paid very close attention to him because of what happened. I was sure it wouldn't happen again since things were back to normal, but I didn't want to take the risk.

I fell asleep last night beside Lex on his bed. After I found him and brought him home, we stayed inside all night and all day today. I woke up almost on top of him. I think even in my sleep I didn't want to let go of him. I woke up drooling all over his shoulder. That was totally embarrassing. I think he was okay with it though, since he didn't kick me out of bed. 

Lex did try to do some work in the afternoon. Then Bruce called. After Lex finished with the call, we had some dinner. I didn't want to leave, but Lex reassured me he's much better now. We did have time for some major lip-lock action. Sometimes I just wish my body would obey my mind. I really wanted more, but I knew he wasn't up for it.

Now I just want to get some sleep. I am dead tired.

 

29 October @ 05:59 pm

It was almost a relief to get back to some semblance of normalcy after everything that happened. I went to school today and I have to say, it was so nice. I spent most of lunch with Pete. I had to stop off at the Torch office. Chloe and her annoying cousin were there. Lois apologized for her bad behavior last summer. I'd totally forgotten about that. I guess maybe that was why I found her so annoying. I usually get along with everybody but she is just so pushy and talks way too much. 

I accepted her apology and ran off to meet Pete. We had to rush into town right after school because he still had to get some finishing touches for his costume. I found the most amazing tacky necklace for the Dracula costume. It's going to be perfect. I decided to use some clothes I hardly ever wear. With the few extra pieces I got and the black cape, which is long enough for me, it'll be perfect. I even picked up some cheesy fangs. At least this year I won't look like a dork.

I haven't talked to Lex today. I'm going over later to see him. Right now I have to have dinner. Mom made my favorite. When I got home from school she was here. I was happy to see her since I really hadn't had much chance to be close to her since the thing happened. I wish I could take it all back. I really hate that she had to find me like that. I know it isn't my fault, but that doesn't take away the fact that mom looks at me differently. I want to reassure her and I'm sure that she knows it won't happen again. I just wish I could take away her pain.

 

30 October @ 07:34 pm

I'm ready to go and I have the costume to prove it. I wish I didn't have to go to this boring party. I would rather just storm the castle. Lex is going to be there. I think as soon as he arrives I'm going to grab him and drag him off for some alone time. It's been too long and I'm tired of all the emotional stuff. I want to get me some of that sweet Lex love. I feel super horny tonight and I'm not going to take no for an answer. Besides, I bet he is just as anxious to get some as I am. 

I'd say wish me luck but let's face it, I don't need luck. This costume is enough to melt anybody's thighs. Not to mention my hot bod.

 

31 October @ 03:05 am

Lex was so hot I thought I was going to combust or shoot fire out of my eyes. That would have been totally funny, especially if I had set fire to something.

The school dance was kind of boring. Although there were some cute boys there and Byron was there so it wasn't a total loss. I had a great time talking to him. He claims that Beth was only there as a friend and not a date. I was hoping we'd get a chance to talk in private so I could tell him that he was barking up the wrong tree with Lana, but Lex showed up all bloody. We danced around each other. I tried to get him to relax but getting him to chill in public is like harder than the hardest thing you could ever imagine doing. 

He spurned my advances, not that I let anybody there see me hit on him. After he spent a few minutes with Mr. K, he talked to Chloe and Lois. I watched from the sidelines as she tried to apologize to Lex about what she did last summer. Lex didn't even remember her. It was a highlight in the evening.

I got bore so I dragged Lex out of there. I took a major chance and kissed him right on Main Street. It was dark and late and there was nobody around. We drove to the mansion and I waited on the first floor while Lex changed out of his bloody costume. 

While he was upstairs, I moved a few things around. I really thought the armchairs looked out of place where they were. I hope his dad doesn't mind too much.

When Lex came back down I was ready for some action. We went up to his private room and fucked three times, four if you count the blowjob I woke him up with after the first fuck. I have no idea what his problem was. All I wanted was to cut loose. I was sick of things being tense and this past week has been so fucking tense. I hated it. I wanted a good hard fuck but Lex stopped me half way through. At first he was a killjoy. I almost left to get it somewhere else, but then he told me he'd make it up to me so I stayed. He rode me like a pro, which I guess he is. What with all that experience he has. Good thing I'm the one that gets to benefit from it.

We had the best sex ever. He tired me out, but I woke to find his ass pressed against my face, which was the coolest wake up ever. He's got such a fine ass. And he is tasty. Once he loosened up it was amazing. 

I have to do this more often. I just love to see Lex pinned beneath me. He is so feisty. It's such a big turn on.

I just got home after our fourth time. I wish I could have stayed, but I can always go back for more. It's not like he's going anywhere.

@ 09:48 pm

The necklace I bought for my costume had a red meteor rock in it. I should have known, but I didn't pick up on it until after I took it off early this morning.

I almost raped Lex. I stopped when he asked me to, but not because I wanted to. I remember feeling so angry that he wasn't letting me do things my way. I wanted it rough and hard, and he told me I was acting strange. 

When I bought the necklace, I touched the stone in the store and I had to own it. I put it on last night and felt so wonderful. I felt happy for the first time in a while. I felt like nothing mattered and that I would have fun no matter what. 

I'm glad I listened to Lex when he asked me to stop. He must be in so much pain. We had sex four times and I wasn't gentle.

I haven't talked to Lex yet and I'm too afraid that this time he'll tell me to explain or to not bother coming back. I don't know what to say this time and if I lie he'll know. I know he knows and I can tell that he knows. I'm so tired of the lies, more tired than Lex. Sometimes I feel like I should just give in and embrace that part of me.

I'm too afraid to tell the truth. I just want to forget and pretend I'm human. I just want everybody else to think I'm human.


End file.
